Relay for Life

I have joined a Relay for Life team that my church is hosting. The team name is Miles for Mel and is dedicated to the memory of Rhumell Ball. She was a very special lady that touched me deeply and she battled breast cancer for nearly 19 years. She finally lost her last battle earlier this year, but before that she was an inspiration to us all. I have never really been able to verbally express how much Rhumell meant to me, most of the time just thinking about it causes the crashing of a wave of emotions.

On April 28th, 2003, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I will say that to me, and most likely millions of other people who hear it each year, the three scariest words in the English language are, "You have cancer." It was a whirlwind of tests before the diagnosis and an immediate surgery the very next day afterwards. I recuperated from surgery for four weeks and then on my 22nd birthday, May 26, 2003, I started 5 weeks of radiation treatment, 5 days a week. I don't know that I ever really dealt with my emotions at that point in my life. My family was was trying to keep it together emotionally, and I figured it was my responsibility to keep up a strong front to help them deal with the total helplessness of the situation. I also believe that my youthful exuberance and ignorance prevented me from grasping the gravity of the situation. There was also a multitude of other life changing events occurring, with the biggest being my reacceptance to NC State University and trying to become prepared for moving and attending school later in August.

Relay for Life has brought a flood of emotions back to the surface and I believe that I am just now mature enough to deal with the emotions that I should have had back then. It is overwhelming to think about battles people go through for another chance at life. I narrowly escaped the cancer spreading to my abdomen which would have involved a more invasive operation and a lengthier treatment period. The worst period for me were the two weeks before I went to the doctor. I knew what I had found was serious, the burning pit in my stomach told me something was wrong. It caused me to grow up and reevaluate priorities in my life. Rhumell also helped me, she would have been considered a professional at battling cancer. Even though she was fighting for her own life, she always showed concern for others. She sought me out and gave me comforting words, reassurance, and foresight into the months to come. She always checked up on me and asked how I was doing in the years that followed.

Since that time I always cringe when I hear that someone has cancer, and I have had several close friends diagnosed. I take the time upon hearing this awful news to stop and have a heart felt prayer. Why? because that is all anyone can do. Rhumell taught me that it is completely out of our hands. We must turn all our worries and concerns over to God and in him place our confidence for the future. In the end, we may not be spared from death, but along the way we can help to comfort others going through the same situation and help to ease their worries. I know that there were people all across the country, many that I had never even met, who were praying for me.

Now, I have learned that there is the possibility that my Grandfather has bone cancer. He has not heard those three awful words yet, but I know he is in that horrible period of not knowing what will happen. Today, I see it from the other side of the fence. I am the helpless family member that can do nothing but pray for the best. Being in this situation, it makes me realize how horrible it must have been for my parents, watching a child carry this heavy burden and not being able to do anything. I know that there were tears shed behind closed doors so that my attitude would not be affected by their agonizing concern.

The next week and some change will be emotional. I am attending a cancer survivors ice cream social tonight. I asked Grandmama if she would accompany me as one of my caregivers. In the past I have always come up with excuses of not being able to attend, mostly because I knew I would have to deal with emotions that had been suppressed and ignored for a long time. I think also there is a part of me that feels guilty in being associated with other cancer survivors that had a much more difficult battle than I did. Next Friday night, I will be walking in the survivor's lap before the official start of the Relay for Life. I know that this will be a powerful experience as all the luminaries that are in honor or memory of cancer victims are lit. I hope to make this an annual event as it serves as a reminder, to me, that I have a responsibility as a survivor to offer support and comfort to others who are currently going through this ordeal, much the same way that Rhumell Ball helped me.